Last night I finally spent some time with my husband having "husband and wife time". If you don't know what I mean, then this post will be lost on you.
We tried to "spend some time" Saturday, but it was just too soon and I ended up balling in the spare room while my husband slept in our bed angry at me. It was awesome.
Last night ended better to be sure. But I fell asleep feeling resentful and sad again. Yesterday evening was emotional to begin with. First, my college class and spending some time talking to Gwen after class, then talking to Laura on the phone directly after that. I was already feeling very raw emotionally anyway.
I just had all these feelings come up... wishing we were TTC and knowing that we weren't and that we weren't going to. Just feeling so final. And also knowing/feeling how much my husband loves me, but still can't give this gift to me.
It was very hard to feel all those emotions, not burst out in tears and ruin the experience. But I did. And I lived to journal about it. And I'm glad that "our first time since...." is over.