Struggling Tonight

I am just having the hardest time!  I feel such anxiety and frustration.  I really need to talk it out, Ian keeps telling me that I'm making something out of nothing.  That I just need to man up and act like nothing happened.  But I don't feel like that, and thus - I'm struggling.

I *want* to go to McD tomorrow.  However, not only do I think I'm not really welcome with all my kids... but I think its rude to go because of Veronica.  Which pisses me off to NO END.  Because I'm the hippie one - she's NOT and I'm the one that introduced her.  If anyone stays home, UGH.  But do I expect her to stay home on my account?  No, of course not.

I need some girl time... but I also don't really want to bring April.  I'm so freaking lame.  I can't just leave April home with all the babies, that would be beyond lame.  Don't ya think?  Lame, lame, lame, lame!

And I would most likely have to pay for everyone's lunch.  I am not sure I can afford to do that.  Maybe if I brought my own apples and milk or something... then it would be french fries and a $1 hamburger or something.

I don't know.  It would be uncomfortable and I'm not sure I would have a good time anyway.  I mean its 4 babies plus 5 kids to McD.  I don't know how I expect to have any conversation anyway.