Thursday, September 23, 2010

Change vs Growth

Change is certain.  Growth is optional.

And with the changes in my life,  I'm growing.  Sometimes a little bit reluctantly.  But I'm growing. 

Its been such a trip working with my husband again. Except this time, there is no boss.  Its just us.   I'm learning and growing and stretching beyond my comfort.  Its good.  Its also pretty exhausting.  learning to make clear requests of him, plan out my day, actually think about what I want to do with my daycare time.  He's asking me to rethink my policies and to communicate my thoughts on the purpose behind some of them.  He's asking me to think about what I do and why I do it. 

We're getting super serious with the licensing rules.  Even more serious than I was before.  You know, when I was letting a couple 4-5 year old boy pretend to race potato sacks in trash bags.  In the presence of toddlers.  More serious than that. 

I would have said weeks ago that I communicate clearly.  That I'm not passive aggressive. That I don't have a problem asking for what I need or want.  That I can fairly easily articulate my emotions.

I'm not sure I would have a good leg to stand on trying to argue those same beliefs now.  I'm learning that I am quite passive aggressive. I want Ian to intuit what I want.  I'm not very good at figuring out what I want, articulating what that means and asking for it.  But I'm learning, I'm getting better.  Thinking about these things, reflecting on these things -- it makes me feel like a stronger, capable and more independent woman.  Only good can come from that, right?

And to my 3 or so readers, please don't take this to mean that I'm not happy working with my husband.  Because I am.  And our work life and home life are not horrible by any means.

Its just that the stress of caring for 12 extra children tend to put normal life under a HUGE microscope.  Who would have thought?

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