Friday, September 17, 2010

But wait, there's more...

My last post started as an explanation of why tomorrow is going to be so crappy.  Quickly it became an explanation, a vent, the background information.  It was information that I needed to process better. See full circle.

But wait, there's more.

Ian and I have decided to let my assistant, Christina, go.

There's so much messiness with Christina.  I cannot even begin to describe. Messiness, as it relates to the relationship dynamics between the three of us, as it relates to the drinking and the DUI.  It is mostly because of this messiness, that we have decided that the best decision for our family is to let her go. 

 I hired her because I liked her.  I liked her personality, although she had no experience. I wanted to hire someone that I would look forward to spending time with.   Whoever I hire I'm with 40+ hours a week.  I don't see how it work out to *not* become friends.  But having said that, let's be clear. My boundaries with this relationship are CLEARLY blown. I mean BLOWN.

I'm not a strong enough person to criticize when the employee isn't doing a good enough job.  I'm too nice.  I don't want to rock the boat.  I  thought that I learned with my first employee that I could ask for what I needed and have more clear expectations of what needed to be done.  I do think that I mastered that very well.  For concrete things, like cleaning, or changing diapers.  But I'm not in a place where I can successfully lead someone to better bond with our daycare kids.  To stop playing favorites with your own children.  To deal with the esoteric stuff. The non-concrete stuff.

And as result, I feel like an absolute failure at leading people, managing people, hiring people.  I'm saddened by my seeming inability to choose the right people to work for me. I'm saddened by my lacking skills as a manager. I thought going into this large group daycare situation that I could effectively lead and manage one employee. 

As it turns out, I really can't. So I'm going to let Ian have a shot.  We need to keep the money internal to our family, especially after the DUI.  Add the fact that he'll lose his license to drive.  It just makes sense that if he's going to be here that he might as well be put to work.

We'll see how it goes.  I do know that I'm done pretending to manage and employ people. If after a while Ian and I decide that its not working out to have him working with the daycare, then I'm going to decrease my enrollment and do it alone.  While I'm not ready for the income drop, there is something quite calming about thinking about having only 8 children that I care for.  Very peaceful. Hmm...

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