I just came across this note written by someone that I look up to; a very wise woman. Here's what she wrote:
So, here is what I have noticed. When life is HARD (and you know what I am talking about here) - when there is not enough time, money, resources/when there is conflict and disharmony - and you just feel like you would rather give in and sit on the couch and watch Law and Order all day, there is a clarifying moment to be achieved here. Where are you in resistance?
You see, when we are in 'the flow' of life, no matter how much we have 'on our plate', life is easy. We are excited and energized and handle things pretty efficiently no matter what is occurring.
Let me give an example: Imagine you are on a raft in white water rapids. You are in the flow - going where the water takes you - it is easy - you go with the flow and you still are making decisions regarding what actions you will take to get you where you want to be - but basically it is energizing, exciting, exhilarating.
Now - imagine you get scared and in resistance to the ride. You make choices and end up in the water - no more raft. Now you might try to stand up in the water and meet resistance and it gets hard - you are no longer in the flow but resisting the flow.
Often - it is difficult to really comprehend - I am the source of whether life is easy or hard - whether my circumstances dictate my experience or whether my attitude does. It really is in my hands, what my experience will be.
So, if you find life hard today and the circumstances seem overwhelming - what might you be resisting and what will it take to get back in the flow of life?
Interesting thoughts... I find myself in a HARD place frequently. I struggle to get basic things done. Maybe I should say, “what I would call” basic things done.
I felt like I was in a hard place when Ian was in Las Vegas for the week, all of summer 2006. Then he left the Academy and I felt like that was a hard place. I feel like I'm in a HARD place this week, dealing with the kidlets by myself. And by the way, it turns out I won't even be by myself all week, Christina will be starting earlier than expected. Yay.
So what gives? What am I fighting? What am I resisting? I definitely feel that I'm not going with the flow of life. What part of life most feels in the way? Money? Jobs?
I have a hard time looking and saying, oh its just that I don't want Ian to be a fire fighter or a paramedic, but I honestly don't feel that's the case anymore.
Holy run on sentence.
I look forward to having him working full time – being correctly employed, rather than under-employed. I look forward to having some of the burden come off me. Although, Christina really helps with that.
And when she starts, I think I'm going to work into advertising a lot more. I'd like to get a couple more kids, ten total full time. :)
I don't think its my kids either, because when I really look at when life started to feel HARD on a regular basis, wasn't when my kids arrived. Not when Ethan was born, not when Emma was born. It was however when I was “alone”, mostly when the decision to live separately or move to Vegas was at its peak.
So maybe its little to do with Ian's choice of career. And lots to do with the distance and the pending move (far far away pending)... but its still there. I feel lots of resistance to re-locating to Vegas. Hmm. I need to choose differently about that. Either choose to be OK with that pending change, or start looking for alternative to moving.